More Than a Memory
by cricket527
Summary: Was a one shot, slooooooooowly being continued. Angsty. In the long run, the Cupcakes probably won't like me...In the short run, I'm pretty sure the Babes won't...rating upped due to maturity level of upcoming plot points.
1. Prologue

Standard Disclaimer: Neither the characters nor the lyrics of the song (located at the end) this is based on are of my creation. I'm just using them for some creative writing practice and I mean no harm with any of it.

Warning: This is an attempt at angst. This is not a Babe in a typical sense, nor would I consider it a Cupcake in a typical sense. I would consider Ranger to be OOC a bit here, maybe more than a bit. A friend pestered me to do this and even my pleas that I'd never written angst in prose before didn't stop her, if anything it encouraged her to pester even more. It kills me to write something like this but I did it anyway.

**More than a Memory**

Ranger tilted back the bottle of Jack, both savoring and repulsed by the final drops sliding down his throat. He chuckled without any mirth as he heard the sound of glass on glass as the bottle joined the others in the backseat. What would she think if she saw him now? The body hadn't been much of a temple since she said "I do" to _him_ 6 months ago. He'd done everything he could to push her out of his mind, his heart, his soul. Nothing worked, but occasionally the alcohol was enough to let him sleep without dreaming, dreaming of what he knew he would never have now. What he'd been too stupid, too dense to realize he needed to act on to have.

Tank tried to reassure him that with time, he'd move on, that she'd only be a memory and with enough time a distant one at that. He'd forget what it felt like to have her near him, hear her laughing, feel her kisses, stolen though they were.

Ranger picked up his phone and pushed six numbers, then hung up. He wanted so badly to hear her voice, to have that connection with her again, but he couldn't. It would kill him to hear _he_ was there or worse if _he_ answered her phone. Some part of his brain registered that he shouldn't be in his car, shouldn't be driving with the alcohol in his system, and that above all, he shouldn't be here, sitting in front of her place; no, their place, hers and the cop's…but he'd had to reassure himself that she was home and safe, presumably asleep in bed. Running a shaky hand through his long dark hair, he sighed, disgusted with himself for giving into such emotions, such weakness. He picked up his phone again, pressing a single button this time.

"Talk."

"Yo."

"Ranger?"

"Yeah." This was a stupid idea; he knew it in his gut. But he also knew he wasn't at the top of his game and Tank had always had his back, had since their days in basic together.

"Where you at, man?" Ranger was silent. He didn't answer his best friend. He couldn't bring himself to actually admit what was going on. "Shit!" He heard Tank softly swear, "it's gonna be alright, man but you gotta stop torturing yourself. Let her become a memory; get her out of your head. I'll be there in 5." Ranger barely registered the final click which indicated the connection had been severed. He couldn't remember the last time he'd slept, really slept, not just been passed out from the booze. It wouldn't matter anyway, he wouldn't get any relief in his sleep; his dreams haunted him. Dreams of her, watching her blue eyes flash with determination when confronted with a challenge. Dreams of the sound of her voice, her laughter.

Holding it in a death grip, Ranger opened his phone and started punching numbers again. It couldn't hurt any worse, just to hear her voice on the outgoing message, could it? Again, six buttons pushed and he snapped the phone closed. This time it went sailing out the passenger side window, onto the lawn along side the curb where he was parked.

True to his word, Tank was there in a matter of minutes. He had Bobby with him. Bobby never said a word, just dropped Tank off and drove away. Tank opened the driver's side door. Ranger got out, stumbling slightly as he gained his footing on the pavement and walked around to the passenger side. As he passed his cell phone laying on the grass, he kicked at it. Not bothering to pick it up. He didn't want the damn thing near him anymore. All it did was taunt him, inviting him to dial her number, hear her voice, come up with an excuse to see her, be near her.

Despite his assurances to Tank that he was fully capable of getting himself to bed, Tank escorted him into the building and into the elevator. Tank motioned for him to use the key pass to get the elevator to the seventh floor; Ranger shook his head. "Fourth." Tank just barely nodded and pressed the button. Ranger couldn't handle being in the seventh floor apartment anymore. It was where he'd found her note, the note that shattered his world to pieces.

_Ranger,_

_I'm sorry I didn't have a chance to tell you this in person. You deserve to know the truth of it from me -- I'm pregnant. By the time you read this, Joe and I will already be married. We're eloping. I can't take another Burg wedding._

_I'm...I'm sorry._

_I love you,_

_Stephanie_

He got drunk the night Mr. and Mrs. Morelli had come back to town from their honeymoon and burned the note, burned all the pictures he had had of Stephanie. He wanted to rid himself of the constant reminders, the tangible things. He'd essentially moved out of the seventh floor apartment that day, after seeing her one last time, making sure he hadn't misunderstood. He'd held out hope that his desperate pleas to God, spoken aloud in his empty apartment as he pounded his fists into his knees had been answered, that she hadn't gone through with marrying the cop. He could have handled helping her raise the cop's kid, just as long as they were together, but he couldn't take knowing she was married to _him,_ would never be his.

Tank cleared Ranger of all his weapons and sent him into the shower to sober up some. Cursing the Morellis under his breath, he took the weapons out of the spare apartment and closed the door, wishing he could help his friend get past this. To turn Stephanie into a distant memory and get her out of his best friend's head...and heart...

-----

The next morning, Stephanie Morelli was taking their dog Bob for a walk and noticed something on the ground. Careful to keep her balance, she somehow managed to reach around the growing mound that used to be a fairly flat stomach and picked up the object. It was a cell phone and it looked familiar. Opening it, she punched in six digits and then hung it up again. As she heard her husband coming out the door, she quickly placed the phone in her jacket pocket. She knew who it belonged to; now she just had to figure out what to do about it.

--------------------

AN: I don't expect this to go any further by me. I have given permission to the friend mentioned above to continue it if she so desires. She'd do it wonderful justice and I actually hope she does continue it.

**More than a Memory by Garth Brooks**

People say she's only in my head  
It's gonna take time but I'll forget  
Say I need to get on with my life  
What they don't realize

Is when you're dialing 6 numbers just to hang up the phone  
Driving across town just to see if she's home  
Waking a friend in the dead of the night  
Just to hear him say it's gonna be alright  
When you're finding things to do not fall asleep  
Cause you know she will be there in your dreams  
That's when she's  
More than a memory

Took a match to everything she ever wrote  
Watched her words go up in smoke  
Tore all her pictures off the wall  
They ain't helping me at all

'Cause when you're talking out loud but nobody's there  
You look like hell and you just don't care  
Drinking more than you ever drank  
Sinking down lower than you ever sank  
When you find yourself falling down upon your knees  
Praying to god, begging him "please"  
That's when she's  
More than a memory

She's more  
She's more

'Cause when you're dialing her number just to hang up the phone  
Driving across town just to see if she's home  
Waking a friend in the dead of the night  
Just to hear him say it's gonna be alright  
When you're finding things to do not fall asleep  
Because you know she waiting in your dreams  
That's when she's more than a memory

People say she's only in my head  
It's gonna take time but I'll forget...


	2. Chapter 1

Six months earlier…

Joe Morelli was pulled from a sound sleep by the unmistakable reverberation of someone throwing up in the bathroom down the hall. Doing a bit of calculation, he realized this was the fifth day in row his day had started this way. After a bit more math, even in his hazy state, he knew he had to bring up the likely cause to Stephanie. He doubted she'd be as thrilled as he was, but he was sure she'd learn to like, even love, the idea – after she was done denying it. He'd bought the test a few months ago, before their last big fight, just waiting for a morning like today.

He got up, went into the kitchen and started the coffee pot. He'd let her have this one last cup since if he was right, it would be months before she would be allowed any real caffeine in her system, for the baby's sake of course. He heard the rush of water through the pipes that meant the commode had been flushed and Stephanie was running water in the sink. When she came into the room, he silently got up and wrapped his arms around her.

"I don't know what sort of bug I've got or where I got it, but it can go the hell away," she grumbled into his shoulder. He chuckled.

"Poor Cupcake, why don't you go upstairs for your shower and look in the third drawer of the vanity? I've got something in there for you to take." Joe hugged her a bit tighter to him, then turned her around, placed a cup of coffee in her hands, and gave her a gentle nudge back towards the stairs. He set to figuring out the best way to go about breaking the news to everyone who would need to know. He figured Helen Plum, Stephanie's mother, would be thrilled and Frank, her father, wouldn't be able to deny that the idea was appealing. His own family would be relieved that it had finally happened, that he and Stephanie would finally be able to settle down and quit this back and forth, on and off again mating dance they'd been engaged in for years. With a grim set to his mouth he realized that many other folks would need to be told as well – Vinnie, Connie, and Lula would have to know as the Bonds office would need to find someone else to fill Stephanie's job. Bounty huntering isn't the sort of job an expectant mother does as she's waiting for maternity leave to start. Then a very self-satisfied, male pride grin settled on his face. Ranger would be notified as well. Their problems with him in their relationship would now be over. He didn't much like Ranger but he did believe that even Ranger would have the good sense to leave a pregnant woman alone.

Hearing the water begin running in the shower upstairs, Joe unconsciously held his breath, waiting for the explosion he expected would come. He didn't have to wait long. Within moments the bathroom door crashed open and Stephanie stood at the top of the stairs, waving a small box around in the air.

"JOSEPH ANTHONY MORELLI! Is this some kind of joke? A pregnancy test?!? You want me to take a pregnancy test? I. Am. Not. Preg. Nant." Stephanie used the pregnancy test box like a pointer to accentuate every syllable. "Do you understand me? Two forms of birth control, Morelli, count them – two. Condoms and a diaphragm. One, Two." Within moments she was crumpled on the landing, crying. Mumbling over and over to herself, "I'm not pregnant, I can't be pregnant, I'm not pregnant."

Joe had put his coffee mug down the moment he heard her voice and now he bound up the steps two to three at a time, at her side within seconds. "Shush, Cupcake, it'll be alright. Just take the test. If you're not, then you're not and we can take you to the doctor to find out what is wrong. If you are, we'll make an appointment with the proper kind of doctor to make sure you and the baby are both healthy." Stephanie had begun to quiet her sobs until he mentioned the word baby. She started all over again in full force hysteria.

Joe let her continue crying for another minute or two, reminding himself that he was in for 9 months or so of this, crying at the drop of a hat, for no apparent reason. Mood swings, cravings, weird sensitivities to things – smells, lights, sounds. He hadn't understood them then and probably wouldn't now, but he did remember what Robin had gone through during her pregnancy a decade and a half before. He had an idea of what to expect now, although with Stephanie Plum, nothing could be taken for granted. He couldn't even be 100% sure she was pregnant; she had a point about the multiple forms of birth control, but he'd taken that into consideration and dealt with it. He began mentally listing off the signs of pregnancy she'd been exhibiting over the last few days – morning sickness, with an all day long underlying sense of nausea, complaining (in private of course) that her mother's pineapple upside down cake didn't taste quite right, sleeping sounder and more than was even usual for her. Her monthly cycle was late. Last night when she complained about her breasts being sore had been the clincher for him. It was what Robin had noticed first herself before either of them had put two and two together and realized what was going on. Shaking his head to rid himself of the memories of her, he took hold of Stephanie's shoulders.

"Cupcake, listen to me. Get up. Take the test, take your shower. We'll deal with it when we know the results. Now go." He hefted her up and walked her into the bathroom, opened the box with the pregnancy test, took it of both box and inner wrapper. He read over the directions, even though he was familiar with the basics of how they worked. "Here, just pee on the tab and set it on the sink. Get in the shower and when you are done, we'll know. Do you want me to wait in here with you?"

A near hysterical half sob, half laugh bubbled up Stephanie's throat and she rolled her eyes. One arm still snug against her middle, the other arm pointed to the bathroom door in her unspoken answer. He reached over, tested the temperature of the shower, and with a final kiss on her forehead, left Stephanie to it.

Once the door was closed, he leaned back against it, with an incredibly strong sense of déjà vu. Robin hadn't wanted him in the room while she took the test either and so he'd spent the entire five minutes or so in this very position, hardly breathing until he heard the click of the door unlocking and knew he would find out if he was going to be a father. His throat constricted and his eyes misted over with the feeling of loss anew as he thought about Robin and their child. He missed them and thought about them every day even though no one in the 'burg had known about them, still didn't. It was a secret he had expected to take to the grave with him, but he knew, if Stephanie was pregnant, he'd have to tell that child about his or her sibling one day. It wouldn't be fair otherwise. He wasn't looking forward to telling Stephanie though.

Coming back to the present, Joe moved quickly away from the door as he heard the knob turn. He knew the instant he saw her face what the results were and let out a whoooooooooooooop of excitement as he picked her up in a bear hug and spun her around. God was giving him another chance.

* * *

AN: Disclaimers: not mine, just playing. No idea when this will be updated next – it's sort of my 'angst' piece that comes and goes depending on my mood. I had no intention of continuing this (as per note on prologue) but after talking it over with my writing partner and brainstorming, it has been haunting me off and on so I decided what the heck.


	3. Chapter 2

Stephanie Plum stared in disbelief at the box in the drawer. A pregnancy test? He wanted her to take a pregnancy test? There was no way. She insisted on the use of condoms – he may have grown up over the last several years but there were many more years before that of reckless macho man conquesting. She'd have been an absolute idiot to not insist on protection for the sake of her health, let alone as a form of birth control. Beyond that, she used a diaphragm. Always. A child was simply not in her plans. He must be joking. She yanked the door open and yelled what she thought of it down the stairs to him. Then the tears started. Stephanie wondered to herself where they came from. She wasn't much for demonstrating the 'soft' emotions. Hard emotions like anger she expressed just fine, but sadness? Hurt? No, not something she did willingly.

Joe insisted she take a shower while they waited for the results of the pregnancy test. As she automatically went through the motions of washing her hair and her body, she counted back to her last period. _Well, if you could call it a period._ She thought ruefully to herself. It had been about a week earlier than she had expected and very short – only a day or two. It was a week or two before her and Joe had gotten back together and, she realized with a start, they'd been back together approximately three weeks. She was definitely late, she'd give him that much. Surely though, the odds had to be in her favor. More than likely the delay in her cycle had to be the result of something else. Stress undoubtedly. She'd heard for years that stress could affect a woman's cycle; just because it had never happened to her before didn't mean it couldn't now, right? If she was going to have gotten pregnant at any point, surely it would have been _that_ night. Without her permission her mind slipped back to that night, the feel of Ranger's hands on her body, touching her in places she had barely known existed; teasing nerve endings that had never been alive like that before. She'd known it was just a fleeting moment of submitting to the sexual tension between them, her way of both escaping the pain of the break up with Joe and asserting her independence by doing what she had wanted to do for years. This time, however, she was prepared for the inevitable repeat of the one other time they had been together, that somewhat awkwardness of the next day when she and Ranger realized that domesticity wasn't for them.

Stepping out of the shower, she grabbed a towel to wrap around her dripping hair and another to dry off her body. Taking a deep bracing breath, she stared in disbelief at the two lines on the test strip. It had to be a joke, and a bad one at that. Without a word Stephanie opened the bathroom door to find Joe leaning against the wall waiting._ Ewww…here's hoping he hadn't heard me while I peed on the stupid thing._ He grabbed her up in a huge bear hug and spun her around. _I can't believe it, he's actually happy about this. I feel like my whole life is crashing down around me and he's celebrating. I can't continue to bounty hunt, what am I going to do for a living now? How will I pay my rent? I'll need money for food as well because my mother is sure to disown me and stop feeding me for providing her the grandchild she has always wanted from me – without benefit of marriage._ An abortion, although it fleetingly crossed her mind, was really not an option – her Catholic upbringing was ingrained well enough that she knew she couldn't live with the guilt. Besides the only person she trusted well enough to find a doctor that wouldn't be known to whole Burg was Ranger and she didn't want him to know about this any time soon. _Oh My God! Ranger!_ A deep sense of loss came over her as she realized that, with his code of conduct, his own ideas of morally right behavior, her friendship/relationship/whatever the hell it had been with Ranger would be changed forever by this. Pushing away from Joe, she rushed back into the bathroom and got sick again, although this time she would have put her money on the cause being sick at the idea of things changing so much with Ranger more than the likelihood of it being pregnancy hormones.

Brushing her teeth, trying hard to suppress the gag reflex that was rearing its head at the taste of the toothpaste, Stephanie stared at herself in the mirror. She didn't look pregnant, she didn't feel pregnant, not that she knew what pregnancy felt like. She assumed it didn't feel like she felt now, which was normal with the exception of having thrown up twice already. Joe stood just outside the door watching her every move with a wide smile on his face. She wanted to smack him. After rinsing her mouth one last time, she turned to face him.

"What in the hell am I supposed to do about this, Morelli? And would you quit grinning like a jackass already. Your Grandma Bella will definitely put the eye on me now, your mother already thinks I'm a tramp and my mother is going to kill me for having a child out of wedlock." She felt the tears welling up in her eyes again and willed them away. She was sick of crying already. There was no way she was going to put up with nine months of this.

"You mean, 'what are we going to do', don't you, Cupcake? And don't worry about Grandma Bella. She'll do nothing of the sort. I'm her favorite grandchild, remember? That's my child you're carrying. She wouldn't do anything to jeopardize the baby, even if the eye were real, which it isn't." He paused briefly as the rest of what she said seemed to dawn on him. "What do you mean about having a child out of wedlock? Steph, you can't go this alone. Damn, this isn't the way I wanted to do this but," he knelt down on one knee in front of her and took her hand in his. "Stephanie Plum, will you marry me?"

Stephanie's knees went weak and everything went dark as she swayed and fell forward on top of him.


	4. Chapter 3

AN: Standard disclaimers apply. In the long run I don't think the Cupcakes are going to like me and in the short run, I'm pretty sure the Babes aren't going to either. My beta didn't get this in time to review it before it went up as a challenge response over on Perfectly Plum so please let me know of any errors in spelling, grammar, punctuation, etc. you find. Reviews appreciated. Thank you.

* * *

"_What do you mean about having a child out of wedlock? Steph, you can't go this alone. Damn, this isn't the way I wanted to do this but," he knelt down on one knee in front of her and took her hand in his. "Stephanie Plum, will you marry me?" _

_Stephanie's knees went weak and everything went dark as she swayed and fell forward on top of him._

Joe reached up and caught Stephanie before she could plant herself face first onto the floor. As he laid her out on the bed they had recently vacated, he sighed deeply. He tried to force himself to believe it was the shock of her pregnancy that caused her to pass out when he proposed but deep in his heart, he knew it wasn't that. The history of their relationship was predictable in one sense and one sense only – he'd be ready to contemplate marriage and she'd go running the other direction; then the tables would turn, she'd come around to the idea and he'd be having second and third thoughts. A perpetual cycle. However, this time, this time there couldn't be any bouncing around. She was having his child and there was no way he was going to let her do this alone, or worse yet, while continuing this weird triangle. His teeth ground together at the mere thought of Ranger. What in the world did she see in him? The guy had money, sure – or at least that was the appearance he gave – but he had no sense of family commitment; he'd abandoned Julie in all ways that counted. What sort of father could do that? _Yes, Joe, _a nagging voice inside his head asked, _what sort of father does that? The sort of father you are?_ That was different he insisted to the voice. Julie was healthy, vital, living and this child of his, his second chance, would be too.

~*~

Stephanie slowly started to regain consciousness and fought her body's awareness of what was around her. She was **a firm believer in running away from one's problems**.** It was a great strategy, right up there with denial. Plus**, many would say, **it was the only** real **exercise she got**. Pregnant. She was pregnant. And Joe had proposed. This had to be a nightmare. She'd dreamt of an eventual real proposal from Joe several times off and on over the years, but not with a child on the way when it happened. How could she ever know now if they married if he was doing it because he felt obligated or if he truly deeply loved her? They'd danced this dance so many times they knew the choreography by heart; but this time, this time was something different. Something that couldn't be undone. It would no longer be just the two of them affected by this. There was a child to consider, an innocent, helpless child. A child deserved to be raised with both parents and parents who loved one another. Did she love Joe enough to remain with him for the rest of her life? Did she love him more than she loved Ranger? Could she give up Ranger for him? No, that wasn't the question to be asked anymore, circumstances had changed. Could she give up Ranger for her child? That was the question to ask herself now. It was no longer about her and Joe and Ranger – all her choices now had to be in the best interest of this baby growing inside her. Without her permission, her hands slid up to protectively cover her stomach, as if cradling the child that resided there, an instinctive move made by scores of women for thousands of generations. She made a vow right then that she would do what was in the best interest of this child, first and foremost, her own selfish desires be damned.

She felt Joe shift next to her, his hand brushing her curls back from her face. "It's okay, Cupcake, I caught you. Everything's fine." He spoke softly and kissed her forehead. "Get some rest. I'm going to fix you some mint tea and see if I can scrounge up some crackers. That always seemed to help Ro-" he hesitated a moment, then continued, his voice sounding slightly strained to her, "my sisters."

As his weight came up off the bed and she heard his footsteps heading towards the bedroom door, she took a deep breath and, before she could think about it again, said his name in a weak voice. She heard his steps stop and she opened her eyes and forced herself to look over at him. "Yes, I'll marry you." As she closed her eyes again and turned her face in the other direction, she saw his face go from concerned to a look that combined both sadness and joy. She refused to give it any more thought as she gave into her natural instinct for denial and slipped into blissful slumber, blocking out the rest of the world.

tbc at some point in the future...


End file.
